People who suffer or fight depression are not always 100% doom and gloom. We’re not. We are just like anyone else. We have our good days and our bad ones.
Sometimes, I can run off a number of days straight without dealing with it. But then one thing, one memory, someone saying one thing to me, can trigger it and then I slide down the mountain again only to land on my feet, staring up at the mountain top…again.
People who do not have to deal with depression don’t understand how certain things or words can trigger it for those who do.
When I took over mornings at KSGM, I really thought I could do both. I thought I could get up at 4am, pull off the morning show and then stay awake and broadcast a sporting event. Turns out because of health reasons, I couldn’t and I had to make a choice.
It was one of the most difficult choices I had to make to be honest but I really hated the travel now in football season, so I chose the morning show. It’s not the way I wanted my sports broadcasting career to come to an end but I had to learn to accept it. Plus I was excited about a new challenge in my life. Who wouldn’t be?
Do people change jobs just to change jobs? No, I don’t believe that. I think it would be for the challenge of it and probably a bump in pay too.
Ending my run at 29 years, I came up one year short of my goal. That is something that has stuck with me since having to walk away. Sometimes, that is a trigger for my depression and I seldom want to talk about it.
I was in one of the local stores recently and a man walked up to me and let me have it. Said I turned my back on the school and the community by walking away. Continued that I shouldn’t put myself first, I hadn’t earned the right to do so and informed me that if he ever saw me out in public again, he would kick my ass for doing so.
I walked up to pay for the items in my shopping cart and the lady asked me if I heard all of that commotion. I said yeah, I had a front row seat. This is the kind of stuff I’ve had to deal with for about the past year.
Just typing this has made my hands to shake. Thank goodness for spell check right?
I’ve asked people to stop talking about the way my sports broadcast career ended. I had one person tell me they can say what they want to say to me. You wouldn’t walk up to an alcoholic and ask if they wanted something to drink right? So why would you want to say something to me that might trigger my depression?
There are a number of demons that I fight everyday. I’m reminded of a lot of them my living in my childhood home but I love this ol house, so I’m here for awhile. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have a handle on them. I know the warning signs and the way my body reacts. When I feel myself starting to slide, I tried to do something else to occupy my thoughts. The crazier the better to be honest.
But I’m not always down. There are a lot of good things going on for me right now and I love the challenges of putting together my radio show each and every weekday morning. When I walk in to my home studio in the morning, I hear angels singing. The smile on my face cannot be removed for the six plus hours I’m in here. I purposely cut myself off from the world and it’s only me, my music and my show.
If I were working from the studios in Ste. Genevieve or Perryville, I would be locking the studio door. Leave me alone and let me do my thing. I’ll say this, I do not work well under pressure, but I can finish anything my boss or co-workers ask me to do. Just give me my time to get it done and it will be done right.
So if you know someone who is battling depression and you know what triggers it, avoid talking about it. We won’t bring you down and depression is NOT contagious either. We’re just like everyone else. The only difference is when something doesn’t go your way or you have a bad day for someone battling depression, the effects are 1000x worse.
Just give us our space for a bit and then we will be ok. Promise.